We are prepared for insults, but compliments leave us baffled…

Day17991-1Day 179

This project has pushed me to view the world in ways I’ve never considered, it’s introduced me to people that I can’t forget, and it’s helped me learn that breaking my anonymity, and normalizing my struggles in life, well, those are ok things to do.  With that said, it’s no surprise that someone like me sees a shrink.  Technically, she’s a psychiatrist and I absolutely adore her.  She pushes me, guides me, cheers me on, and sometimes, like today, sometimes she points out things that are obvious to everyone but me….

Without going into the minutia of my issues, I will simplify today’s revelation in a simple sentence. “I can’t take a compliment.”  I deflect, apologize, discourage, divert, and basically undermine all compliments related to my physical appearance.  If you tell me I took a great photo, or that a presentation was good, or even that you like my car, I will say thank you with grace and be genuinely appreciative for the kind words.  If you say I look nice, pretty, happy, or that you like my sweater I will find a way to tell you just how damn awful, ugly, and sad I am and how hideous my sweater really is.

That said, I was given an assignment for today.  My psychiatrist asked that I take a photo of myself and post it on my blog without apology, without any “I didn’t know I was taking my own photo which is why…” and then say whatever I would normally say is wrong with me.

I decided to accept her challenge, and while doing so, I also took the opportunity to practice using HDR on a person (in this case, me).  For this photo I used my Canon 6D and EF 24-105mm lens mounted on a tripod.  I took 7 shots (exposures) with a ½ stop between each one, dial set on AV at f7.1 and ISO3200 (Photomatix Pro 5.1 for processing)

“Just for today (cause that’s how I roll), I refuse to let insecurity ruin the beauty I was born with.” This one’s all mine

4 thoughts on “We are prepared for insults, but compliments leave us baffled…

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